At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
