What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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