i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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