After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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