so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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