My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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