Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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