try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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