so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
