At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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