I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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