I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
