I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
