it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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