I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize