Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
