These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
