You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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