home. puking in laundry basket.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
