Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
