her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
