I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
