If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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