where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
