If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
