You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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