So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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