dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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