I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
