So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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