I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
