I think im going to throw up on grandma
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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