What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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