sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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