i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
