I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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