It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
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