Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Drunk is not a location!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
