I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
