I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
