im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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