party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
