WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
