I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I can't turn off my feet"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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