He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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