I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
