he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
