Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
