just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We had to coat check the pizza.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
