Slut skills are useful in every country.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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