to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
