when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
