Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
