Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
