when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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