Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
