I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
so much tequila, so little girl.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
