And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
