Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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