it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
