We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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