11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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