Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
