i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
