Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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