think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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