i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
