What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
