worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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