Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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