11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
